Silencing the Saboteur: Mastering Confidence and Crushing Self-Doubt

By: Kylie Cole 

I am confident (haha get it) that we have all experienced that inner voice that whispers doubts and criticisms (or yells them, depending on the day). This inner saboteur can be a large obstacle on the road to confidence. But what if I told you that you have the power to take control of this inner critic and transform it into a source of strength?  

If you’re reading this thinking “pft, yeah right,” I’m here to tell you that I thought the same thing.  

Who’s your inner saboteur? 

First things first. You must get to know this infamous inner critic. Our inner saboteurs often tell us that we’re not good enough, smart enough, or worthy of success. Understanding that this voice is a part of you—but not all of you—is crucial in learning how to control it.  

Before you can silence the saboteur, you need to recognize when it speaks up. Pay attention to the moments when negative self-talk creeps in. Is it when you’re about to try something new? When you’re facing a challenge? I encourage you to sit with yourself and think about what exactly makes you feel a certain way, whether that be the people you are around, the environment you work in, or what you consume on social media.  

To give you some personal background, I used to struggle a lot with how I looked. This came from many different streams of my life, and it took me YEARS to understand it all.  

Some days, even now, I feel like I did three years ago. 

You must remind yourself that progress is not linear, but it is worth it.  

Challenge those thoughts 

Whenever you feel that you’re struggling, ask yourself a few questions: 

• Is this based on facts or feelings? 
• Would I say what I am thinking about myself to a friend? 
• What evidence do I have that contradicts this thought? 

By questioning the validity of your negative thoughts, you invalidate their power. 

Yeah right 🙄

As I did, you may think this is stupid. I will admit, I am only speaking from experience, but I promise you that taking time to work with your mindset is one of the best things you can do for yourself. It is highly transferable to all aspects of life.  

You are not invisible: The balance between selling yourself short and coming off as an egomaniac 

Finding the right balance between confidence and humility can be challenging, but it’s crucial to remember that you are not invisible. Underselling yourself can lead to missed opportunities and unrecognized potential, while overcompensating might make you come across as conceited. Confidence without arrogance is acknowledging and expressing your strengths and achievements without overshadowing or putting down others. It also means valuing your worth and contributions while simultaneously being open to learning and growth.  

In my experience, a large part of my lack of confidence stemmed from perceptions I had of others – specifically how I thought certain behavior was conceited. I now realize that because I was jealous of other’s confidence, I perceived their actions as arrogant. However, they were just advocating for themselves (which is a WHOLE other blog I will eventually get around to writing).  

All this to say: It is extremely easy to project your insecurities outward instead of working on why you have a certain mindset and where it came from.  

How can you expect to present yourself confidently when you view others who do so as vain?! 

OTHERS MATTER! 

The company you keep can significantly impact your self-esteem. Surround yourself with supportive, positive people who uplift and encourage you.  

Something I have learned, (and am painfully still learning), is that you don’t owe anything to people who don’t make you feel good. Not vibing with someone’s energy (how they carry themselves, speak about others and yourself) is REAL, and it is OKAY.  

A hard part of growing up is that people do change, for better or for worse. Lack of maturity is a real thing. Ignorance and stupidity are also real. What makes it harder is that you also change. I have learned so much about myself in the past couple of years, enough that I can say I am not the same person I was those years ago. And that’s a good thing. It makes it difficult to know who to keep close and who to distance yourself from. It is also okay if people fade in and out of your life. I find it to be one of the strangest and best parts of life.  

REMEMBER: Time is your best friend 

Silencing the saboteur and mastering confidence is a journey, not a destination. It takes time, patience, and consistent effort. Just know that you aren’t alone in that!  

Thank you to all who took the time to read this post! If you have any questions or want to rant, please feel free to reach out via Insta or our email (@mapmentorship / mapmentorship@outlook.com).